Wednesday, May 09, 2007

How do you talk to G-d?

OK I was just visiting one of the many message boards that I frequent, and a lady's cousin had been stabbed. She was asking for prayers, so I posted some support, and then sat back, closed my eyes and prayed for her poor cousin. Sounds normal right?

Except I was talking to G-d like He was right there in the room, sitting in my big blue chair. I asked for G-d to be there for her & her family, and to help the cousin heal, and then I just went off, asking what the hell was wrong with people? Why do they want to hurt each other like that? Then I remembered I was talking to G-d, hello??? And I felt like a huge dork.

If G-d knows my thoughts, feelings, and innermost corners of my heart then do I censor it? Or does that make Him laugh because He knows what I really feel like saying?

I talk to Him a lot, like when another board friend had a car wreck. No one was hurt much, but I knew how much accidents can strain a budget. So I expressed thanks that the FBG family was mostly unhurt, and prayed for their finances to be ok.

Is it weird that I pray for people I don't know? Mysterious internet people, most of whose name I don't know? I pray by their username, because G-d knows who I am talking about, even if I don't use their given name.

I have prayed for countless women over the years, through pregnancies, (and sometimes losses) and when I know they are laboring. I was so relieved when Michelle's cousin Rachel had her baby after a long, drawn-out labor. I was ecstatic to see Paisley announce she had her baby too. It was a long weekend of anxious waiting. She was to be induced and was afraid. Every time I logged on and didn't see a post by her, I prayed for her, for a calm heart, a good delivery and a healthy baby.

The words come easy when it is about others, but when I try to tell G-d how thankful I am for this little life I have inside me, words fail me. "Thank you" seems inadequate, somehow. My heart swells and I lose speech. I am sure that comes as a shock, LOL. This is when I am glad that G-d knows my thoughts. (Side note: I am 14 weeks, 1 day today. I have a regular appointment tomorrow, after which I will post an update. And I think I felt the baby move yesterday, a brief litle swish which delighted me to no end!)

I pray for my husband daily, in a rambling fashion. Personal safety driving during his commute, good job performance, patience for him because of the noodleheads he works with, his health, and so on. I pray for my kids too, or their healthy and safety, and that they behave at school, and try their best on their assignements. Jonathan has a test today. He studied well and we will see how he does.

Is it weird that I pray for my dog? I love my Max. Plus he got a tick yesterday and I don't want him to get doggie Lyme disease. Yeah, I'm a nut.

Adding to the nuttiness is the fact that I pray for people I don't talk to anymore. It is not that we have simply lost touch, these are people that I have told to lose my email address! So why do I still care about these people? I guess that I still care because I did care, when we were friends. They are not bad people, they didn't murder anyone. We just sorta "broke up." And I am naturally curious.

So I still think of A. who stole money from me in high school, (and recently contacted me?!?) and also S. who stole my vaccuum, and N. who is ran away from her responsibilities and doesn't want to grow up and doesn't understand why I don't agree with her choices, and H. who got too big for her britches and I could not stand her uppity attitude any more, and another A. We were close while our husbands were deployed, and she was pregnant at the time. We had a falling out and I moved across the country. But still, I prayed for a safe delivery for her and was delighted when she added two beautiful babies to her family.


So this started out as a question, kinda. Am I being sacreligious or disrespectful in the manner that I pray? Then it turned into a ramble. Oh well, it has been a while since I updated. That's about it.

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