A few of you have heard this, but it bears repeating for those who haven't. Plus it saves me a million repetitions. :-)
Steve and I have been trying for a baby. Recently, I found out (like I do every month) that I was not pregnant. Disappointment ensued. I was talking to Steve and I said that I have not felt or sensed G-d's presence lately, and it was disturbing to me. I have felt empty and ignored. Not fun.
Pause this story. To understand the rest of this story, first you have to hear another one.
I was doing a Bible study in CA. One of the questions we were asked was, where do you see G-d in your everyday life? One woman answered by saying she sees G-d in the vastness of the ocean, or in large things like the Grand Canyon.
For me I see G-d in small things, like ladybugs, or even tiny spiders. I don't like spiders but sometimes you see ones that are so small, you can't smush them. They are no threat and are not scary. But you see this tiny little life that eats, breathes, lives, and you can barely see it. It has a tiny heart that beats, and I can't see that without a microscoope. I can't recreate that. To me, these tiny beings, that's G-d.
Ok, now un-pause the other story. Two days after I had the discussion with Steve where I felt ignored by G-d, I was outside with Katie and we were going down the little path towards the driveway. There, on the path, its bright yellow color in stark contrast to the black asphalt, was a tiny inchworm.
There he was, inching along. His body was making the curve of the letter C with every movement. And Katie was briefly diverted, but quickly lost interest. There are bugs all over around our house. Walking sticks, butterflies, moths, etc. And animals like bunny rabbits. And snakes and frogs, and bears (that we haven't seen yet) and horses. Yeah. Steve tried to get crushed by one in our car, as it ran out of its driveway. Apparently horses don't have turn signals. You all know how small our car is. But anyway.
The inchworm. I was mesmerized because to me, that was G-d saying "I'm still here." And that made my day, because I didn't feel ignored any more.
So that's the inchworm story.