Monday, September 18, 2006


The top picture is of me holding MacKenzie. The middle pic is me holding Alyssa. The bottom pic is Steve comparing his hand size with Alyssa's. We each held each baby and I fed Alyssa and burped her. They are just perfect. They are lovely. How can they be so small, yet still appear big? They are strong. They both peeped their bitty eyes at us, and we got to hear their little newborn noises--those grunts and squeaks, as well as their cries when they were hungry. They made little poops too, and I swear I never saw such small bottoms in my life.

I know I must sound like a blabbering idiot but I am smitten. Enchanted at tiny ears, and fingers. Awed at perfection in such a small package. Amazed at their strength.

And heartbroken at the situation. Yeserday when we went there, MIL asked SIL if she was going to stay the whole hour for both girls' feedings, and SIL said, "Yeah, it makes me look good if I stay for both."

MIL saw the storm cloud that was my face and tried to backpedal, trailing after SIL, asking, "And it's nice to be able to hold both babies, right?" No response from SIL. I died a little inside. She only goes to the hospital to keep up appearances?

Later, MIL tells me she can't wait until htey babies com home, because she is goingot take 2 weeks off work to "play dolls." What the hell? What is with these people? These are babies, real human beings who require constant care, not playthings to be propped, posed and used as attention grabbers. They are not a novelty. They are not toys. They are innocent babies who need love and attention, not to be used as showpieces.

It makes me so frustrated. And I have to it back and watch the trainwreck unfold. Call me bitter but I think that on about night 3 of sleeplessness, the novelty of playing dolls will wear off as MIL realizes that it is not a game. I don't know what, if any, help SIL will be. She will be getting weaned off her methadone, and so she will be itching to go get high, and this usually involves stealing MIL's car in the middle of the night. Finally, there are 2 more children involved to think about--they are 3 and 2. SIL's other kids. Now she doesn't have custody of them but all of them live in the same house.

Their needs still have to be met. They are too young for much independence or autonomy. I think all 4 kids will suffer. And it makes me sad that the adults involved cannot see beyond the novelty and the cuteness factor and think of what is in the best interest of the children.

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