Friday, November 02, 2007

Dr. visit update, and some guilt

The baby will be 5 weeks on Sunday. At her appointment today she weighed 6 pounds, 7 ounces and finally measured her original (incorrect) length of 18.5 inches. At her ultrasound, her hips were declared to be just fine, as her eyes were yesterday at the eye appt. And tonight she nursed enthusiastically for a few minutes on each side. It is a slow going but those few minutes did loads to make me feel like less of a failure.

I have had alot of guilt about a lot of things and I think it comes part & parcel with being a mom. I was supposed to carve pumpkins with my kids, the night before Halloween. And I fell asleep. So I had to carve them up quick Halloween afternoon, and I wasn't able to put a lot of effort into them and I felt like Halloween was rushed and not a lot of fun.

We went to a local mall to trick or treat since we live out in bumblehoo, and by the time we got there, most of the retailers were out of candy. And it was a small mall. So we had to take the kids to Target and let them choose a bag of candy for themselves. Seriously they might have gotten ten pieces of candy at the mall. So I felt bad about that.

I feel bad for being so tired, for not cleaning the house, for not wanting to cook dinner, for not having gone grocery shopping yesterday because we need more food in the house, because the house is messy, for meaning to shampoo the carpets for 10 days now but not having done it yet, or not being able to carry my babies to term, for not being able to nurse Stephie immediately & successfully, for being so tired that my dogs have to whine to go out, rather than me just being able to remember to take them out, etc. I just feel bad that I am so tired and I am not superhuman.

People tell me that I just had a baby and cut myself some slack but is there anyone who is easy on themselves? We are our own worst critic, right? I know I am. I have a lot of things that I want to do, but I have yet to put into practice and they weigh on me. Sigh. Well I am tired so I will close for now.

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